S*T*U*F*F* Reloaded

We are caught up in the current flight-cancellation nightmare that is gripping the UK airports. Following a two-hour grind through Gatwick security yesterday, we had just enough time to let Luka circumnavigate the departure lounge once before we were rounded up and shown the path to baggage reclaim. Grim. And the earliest possible rebooking we could get was for tomorrow. Hardly the dream start to our Christmas holidays.

So home it was. To a broken boiler. I rang Worcester Bosch who were going to send out an engineer, but followed that up with an astonishing piece of news - that I would need to “install a safety platform” before anyone would look at it. Apparently you can get them at builders’ merchants. And step ladders aren’t good enough. My letter to customer services was one of my better ones. Why don’t they just do the full job and ask you to supply tools as well? I have half a mind to call them, when the engineer is on his way, and say “Can you please make sure the engineer is wearing Japanese tatami slippers? No, I’m sorry, regular slippers won’t do. They don’t meet our house hygiene standards. I believe you can buy them in Harrods.” Twats.

So, back to one of my favourite topics. The “votes black hole”. To any misguided individual who actually voted in the X-Factor final last week - do you really (and I want you to think about this) think your texting that premium number had any effect on the outcome? I cannot believe that they actually showed Andy Peters in the pressing plant pressing the “go” button, and as a paintbrush starts to work on the process of making the gold master from which all other copies are printed, an employee runs out holding a finished production copy some 10 seconds later. Even at a completely ludicrous pace, that single would need to have been recorded, mixed and mastered, and all agency work signed off for production at least two weeks ago. Some naive folk might suggest that they got the other guy’s single to the same state, but I can tell you that would not be the case.

When Steve Brookstein won the competition a couple of years ago, a friend of mine on tour in America found out by phone IN AUGUST that he was already the winner. Before the competition had even aired. And I have seen it with my own eyes at Richard and Judy - we arrived at the studio having learned an edit of Ronan’s “Nothing At All”, equipped with the instruments to play that track. I was amazed when Judy “opened the phone lines” so hapless housewives all over the UK could spend their money on a black hole… they were voting for the song they wanted Ronan to play. But Ronan was only ever going to play “Nothing at All”.

So, back to Leona. She was, from the beginning, so much better than everyone else, that I would guess they’d picked her from round 1. I would seriously suggest that’s when the work began on her styling, artwork, getting word to the big guns in the USA. And meanwhile the residents of the UK just spanked their cash on the black hole. I’ll tell you, Simon Cowell is one serious money making machine, but deeply lacking in the scruples department. I noticed that he also has his name as a writer of the “X-Factor” theme. Yeah, right. He wrote that? My guess he said something like “We need a theme tune” and that, in his world, constituted a credit. Royalties are royalties, and if anyone knows where the money comes from in the industry, its him. And he will make a lot of money from Leona. But, to be fair, she is pretty much world-class in that “Mariah Carey” tradition as a vocalist. Not my cup of tea, but I will happily admit that she can sing her Hackney ass off.

Other single out this week, from another world is that from my old friend Foy Vance, who has launched a nice new site too - check it out here. He released “Gabriel and the Vagabond” as a double-A side with “Indiscriminate Act Of Kindness”, which is a song I heard on the now infamous (in my world) CD he sent me 2 years ago, and it blew my socks off. Foy had been away from the writing and recording for a while, and he called up to say he was sending me “a few tracks” to learn for a gig. What arrived were 19 songs recorded in his living room, every last one beautiful and stunning. I recently heard a demo he’d recorded for a song called “Stoke My Fire”, and the sonic quality of it was perfect. He’d just found a magic, a roughness, a vision that left me in tears. I hope that’s how his album ends up sounding - if it does, you are in for a treat.

Its been a busy year for my web design company “G-Raff”, finishing up by launching Wedge Card, and Charlotte Hatherley’s new site - her music is amazing, and I love the album. Having never heard her stuff before, it was such a revelation. Actually SHE has a single out this week too, called “Behave”, which has one of the best guitar riffs I’ve heard for years. Wish I’d written it. We have a few cool things lined up for the new year to, but they can stay under wraps until the time is right. I want to redress the balance between music and design next year - get this album finished.

Which is my final note - Jules has persuaded me that the way to go on “Sayonara Deadweight” is to put up the source tracks, and when the vocals are sent back in, to include them regardless of how tuneful (or not) they may be. And thus so it will be.